Dear everyone, I am wishing to share a detail of my life I am only given to a small circle. I am asking for some compassion not given in comments.
Currently, my feelings feel weak and my heart empty. It is hard but I'm trying to be kind, but I got a harsh time, since I feel I am dancing on blades others are using for fencing with others. It is, of course, makes me a little hard to be talking with.
Everything in this goes back till 2013. August 9., when my mother had not woken up from her sleep. It is harsh and painful to write even now, and I fear it is not normal. Since that, my connection with people I liked gone worse, sometimes even to extends I would not do otherwise, but I am knowing I am impatient and broken-hearted even now. I'm just not able to fix it yet. As I wrote, I feel my heart empty.
I don't know what I could do for it, but I am sad.
This sadness is deeper because it seems, people I care for dislike each other. I always feel that blade dancing mentioned above as they bicker, I just fear to leave one as it will accuse me playing favourite with another, or that I am not liking them anymore, or that I am a coward and want to run.
Yes. I know it is so.
No, I am not able to fix it.
What I could do to fill this empty heart inside this meat prison, while I'm forced to live someone else's life?
Please, leave any bad thoughts aside. I like you each just as much and try, but since my feelings feel faded, I can not really say what I feel toward individuals. I need time to heal that wound nobody can heal.
I'm sorry for this negative journal, but it was time to tell. Thanks for my friend for telling me to "man up" and doing it, but also, sorry for him, as I am unable to give what he, or anyone, deserves.
=¤=¤=¤=COMMISSIONS AND DONATIONS=¤=¤=¤=
They are for a good cause: to help me be a normal female instead of a transsexual person. So, if you can, please, help me! Read more info here: letrune.deviantart.com/journal…
My prices having a minimum from the start, and I do need your patience: I am in university and doing many homework, so I am pretty slow on doing art. Stories go faster than drawing, also worth noting.
Story: 2 euros
Drawing: 4 euros
Flash image/gif: 5 euros
All prices are the minimum wages, the price changes on how detailed and complex the thing you ask, and the time changes how I got time and how my muse is; I am able to be negotiated, of course.
So I do require a LOT of patience, please, be calm and patient, I am trying my best!
What I like to do the most:
-Cats; actual felines, anthropomorphic and human-like catgirls/catboys. I most prefer my own mixture of human-like and feline, but I am able to change between these.
-Cars, realistic, cartoony or in-between
-Scenery, either nature or architecture
What I am NOT doing:
-Visual gore and blood
The grey territory: Things I might do, if I am given the muse or a good suggestion to do them.
-Anything that visually explicit - I believe your imagination will do a LOT better than I ever could.
-Photorealism/hyperrealism - I may attempt it but it can be hard.
-Animals other than felines - I can not be sure how well I'll do them.
-Certain fandoms - because the "bandwagoning" is boring; I do enjoy a few fictional worlds, but I am not feeling I could do anything special, new or interesting.
If a donater decides that s/he wishes something, I am happy to:
-put their names here
-provide stories and drawings with a little more complex for their prices
-offer something special after each and every milestone crossed!
These images are not to be redistributed, please!
My friend offered these to help fund my dream, so please honour that.
=¤=¤=¤=WORK IN PROGRESS=¤=¤=¤=
-The Catillac cats for . - on hold
-Primordial ocean with some trilobites for - on hold - stuck with technical details
-'s drawing - sketching
-As well as one for too - on hold
-Cutenesses for - writing
-Pole positioning - finalizing lines